My week was alright. Some days were good and other days were so tough all I wanted to do was cry while laying down on the floor. I’m currently not working right now. I had to take some time off to help me with my mental health. I had to put me first. You couldn’t stay out of my mind no matter how busy I’d try to make myself. I don’t know why I even bother thinking of you and the family. Sometimes I imagine that things were different. I’d imagine that you and I were friends and everything was normal. I’d go to my nephew and nieces games. Everyone celebrates my birthday every year and we all genuinely love and respect each other. I imagine what it’d be like to have someone who had my back. Man if things actually went as I imagined it would have saved me the years of grief. But it didn’t happen like that. I guess its my job to suck it up.
You know people are fucking heartless. My heart has been slowly turning into stone but the more I try to date the colder it becomes. Daniel, you’re not the only shitty person out there. At times I feel bad for you because I know you’re sick. You weren’t all bad. You were just fucked up with no one to turn to. I get some of it. I hate you and I don’t hate you at the same time. And that really fucks me up deeply. Oh man, messed me up so much talking about this I had to crack open a bottle of wine. I accidentally threw the cork away which means I now need to drink the whole thing so it doesn’t spoil.
You know, I think I finally am starting to accept the fact that I usually am misunderstood by those that meet me. People think I’m strange and no one wants to take the time to understand why. All those years spent not allowed to have friends and socialize as a child really set me up for a whole different type of failure in life. I’m great with superficial relationships, but the real stuff I have no fucking clue how to do it. People can be so mean and so judgmental in order to feel better about themselves. Kicking me while I’m already low and fragile. Fuck you guys
Sincerely,
Me
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