Dear You,
I have to say, you’re doing a good job. For the first time in my life I stuck to my boundaries even when I was told my boundaries were not valid. I put it out there a few weeks ago that I was going to put Daniel and the past behind me. Shortly thereafter came the test to see if I was ready to walk the talk. And I was. I had faith that because I was putting myself first and my boundaries that it would all work out for me sooner rather than later.
I learned a few things from my experience that I want to share with anyone who can relate to being a victim of abuse and that’s reading this. As much as we are encouraged to talk about what happened to us we need to be careful because there are people who will use it against us.
One way they will try to get us to release our boundaries is by Trauma Bonding. It’s sicken but I literally just went through it. The good thing was I was educated about manipulative tactics and refused to allow a trauma bond to be created with this sick individual. This of course made them very angry. They lashed out, called me names to try and hurt me for not allowing them to cross my boundaries.
People will do that. They will get mad when you set boundaries for yourself especially when they think that they are manipulating you and getting what they want out of you knowing good and well that it’s something you are not willing to do.
When it doesn’t work they resort to insults and trying to trigger you into submission. This person knew that I did not like heated verbal altercations and that I like when we both step away from the situation, calm down and schedule a time to talk. They knew about my past traumas. When they realized that the trauma bonding and manipulation did not work; they resorted to yelling, swearing and antagonizing me.
They even went as far as to say that they love me and always want me to be a part of their lives. I set the record straight on that one.
I do not have people who do not respect my boundaries, a part of my life. Neither should you. This journey towards healing from abuse might be a lifelong journey but as long as you are dedicated to being true to you and loving you; you’ll always be happy with your decision.
I am happy that I loved myself enough for the first time ever to say no and not back down even when I was tried.
Love Aventurine
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